- When they've had a bad break-up and need help getting over it, they run to me - and after listening to my tales of woe, feel that theirs is not so bad after all.
- When no one else's around and they want someone to kill time with, they think I'm always there. What's more, they're right. I've no better work to do, and I don't value time.
- When they're feeling down and out and totally abandoned by friends and family alike, they know exactly who to turn to.
- When they've got some work that needs to be done which will involve payment if it is outsourced, they come to me and get it done for free.
- When they are short of ideas but are in desperate need to please their superiors, they borrow some of mine and claim it as their own.
Now excuse me while I drowse myself in self-pity. And please hope that I drown.