Toilet paper

As a friend, I like to think I'm everything one could ever ask for. But that's just my opinion - and one that isn't shared by anyone else. Here are some sample situations when people turn to me.

• When they've had a bad break-up and need help getting over it, they run to me - and after listening to my tales of woe, feel that theirs is not so bad after all.
• When no one else's around and they want someone to kill time with, they think I'm always there. What's more, they're right. I've no better work to do, and I don't value time.
• When they're feeling down and out and totally abandoned by friends and family alike, they know exactly who to turn to.
• When they've got some work that needs to be done which will involve payment if it is outsourced, they come to me and get it done for free.
• When they are short of ideas but are in desperate need to please their superiors, they borrow some of mine and claim it as their own.
  

At all other times, be it when they have plans with friends or happen to get into a relationship or get involved in some significant project, I don't exist for the very same people. Jiska koi nahi hota, uska bhagwan hota hai. And for those missing out on the love of God by choice or otherwise, there's always .

Now excuse me while I drowse myself in self-pity. And please hope that I drown.